Ending the Year Right.

Wow. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I went to France and London. I celebrated one of the best Christmases thus far (but I think I say that every year). And I've discovered that Netflix now allows Mac users to watch instantly. So that's basically how I've been spending these last few weeks. But that's just the short version of it all; I'll tell you in more detail.

EUROPE!
I flew out of Kansas City on Saturday, December 13 to Brussels. I traveled for many hours and wound up in Brussels at 8 AM (CET) on Sunday, December 14. Mary picked me up from the airport with a sign that read, "My MAMA Kass." It was a joyous reunion -- well, as joyous as I could be after traveling almost 24 hours. We hit the Grand Plaza in Brussels and grabbed a small breakfast and took the train to Lille where Mary is living this year.

Me in the Grand Plaza in Brussels

On Monday, December 15 Mary showed me Lille. We visited the shops, the old buildings, and the Christmas Market they had set up in the square where I bought the most delicious pretzel I had ever eaten in my whole life. I bought some chocolates for my supervisor at the Kindercottage where I work and some Christmas ornaments for my family. Then we headed back to Mary's house where we ate dinner and watched "White Christmas," a movie Mary's German roommate had never seen before.

On Tuesday, December 16, Mary had to work in the morning so I slept in and then we hit the road (train tracks?) for London! After we checked into our hotel that Mary, her two roommates, and I were staying in that night, Mary and I went to Trafalgar Square so we could see it and Parliament at night. We saw the huge Christmas tree that was donated by the Norwegians and I also got to see Big Ben's tower all lit up. It was really amazing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Then we got on the tube and went out to London's O2 arena where we saw Coldplay in concert. It was an unbelievable show. As much as I love them on CD, I love them even more live. It was a night I'll never forget.

a shot of the stage during the Coldplay concert

On Wednesday, December 17 we hit London hard: Westminster Abbey, Harrod's, Buckingham Palace, St. Paul's Cathedral, Tate Museum of Modern Art, Tower Bridge, and the Tower of London. It was unbelievable how much ground we covered. Needless to say, my feet were killing me. I was overcome by how old everything was. I truly loved the city and I love how the old and new buildings blend into each other in the skyline. It's such and interesting city. I hope to return someday and explore it more at a slower pace.

Me, on the Tower Bridge with London behind me

On Thursday, December 18 (my parents' 32nd wedding anniversary!) I recuperated from the crazy pace of my London adventure while Mary worked. That night, Mary's British roommate fixed us a really great Christmas-like dinner. I got to meet some of the girls that Mary's been hanging out with too. It was a fun night. Unfortunately I took no pictures.

Mary worked on Friday, December 19 too. But after she got off we took the train to Paris! We took the subway to our hotel from the train station. It was no fun lugging our suite cases around the Paris subway system! I decided before we even got to our hotel that there was no way in hell we were going to take the metro to the airport on Monday. We stayed in a Best Western near the Louvre. It was actually very nice and not too pricey. It was dark when we got there so we walked over to see the Louvre at night. I think I took more pictures of the pyramid at the Louvre than anything else on the whole trip. It was so cool to see it lit up at night. Then we went and ate dinner at a place called Hippopotamus. No, we were not served Hippopotamus.

On Saturday, December 20 we woke up early-ish to go to the Louvre! We grabbed a croissant and walked to the museum. We spent about 3 hours there and I still can't believe how big it is. I saw the Mona Lisa, Winged Victory, The Venus d'Milo, and countless other pieces of art that I've seen my textbooks and coffee table books. I honestly still can't believe I was even in the same room as them. Both Mary and my sister had told me that the Mona Lisa was nothing special and not to expect too much because it's actually quite small. However, when I saw her, I started to cry. It wasn't so much her that made me cry, but the huge crowd waiting in a blob to see her. Everyone wanted their chance to get up near the plexi-glass wall that protects her. I stood there and thought about the thousands (millions?) of people that look at her everyday and it made me awestruck. I just couldn't believe how many people in the world travel thousands of miles to see this pretty insignificant painting every year.

After the Louvre we went to the Orangerie where there is a collection owned by a man who died. This guy had all the good stuff: Cezanne, Picasso, Monet, Manet, Matisse, and 8 Monet "Waterlillies." I was in heaven. 

After that we walked to the Eiffel Tower, got a crepe from a stand near there, and then waited in line to go to the second level. Once we got to the top the sun had gone down so I got to see Paris' lights at night. It was awesome. The tower is lit up blue with a circle of gold stars on the side because France was the head of the EU during the month of December. It was pretty cool to be up in the tower and see the blue light. The picture thing isn't working for me anymore so go to my Facebook to see more pictures. I took a lot.

After we left the tower we went back to the hotel because, as it turns out, I'm actually a pretty horrible traveler and need to take frequent rests or I get cranky. After we rested, we went to a restaurant where they serve authentic French cuisine. I had a beef thing that was really good.

Sunday, December 21 is what I fondly remember as "church day." I drug Mary along with me to mass at Notre Dame. After mass we walked around it and I got emotional again when I thought about how many people had worshiped and prayed there. Then we went to Saint-Chappelle where there are supposed to be 20 relics of Christ, but we couldn't figure out where they were located. The stained glass windows in that church are phenomenal though! And that church was 900 years old! I couldn't even believe it. Then we went to the Galleries Lafayette and realized that all of the merchandize was way beyond our price range. So we went to the hotel for a rest. We ate dinner at the Brasserie du Louvre, a restaurant in the Hotel du Louvre which is a very fancy hotel near the Louvre. The food was awesome and the service was very fancy too. Needless to say, I felt a little out of place but really enjoyed the dinner. After dinner we walked back to the Louvre to see the pyramid one last time and we saw the light show that they do on the Eiffel Tower. They make it sparkle with lights every hour after sunset. It was a great way to end our stay.

On Monday, December 22 we took a taxi to the airport and we both flew home for the holidays. I had a slight incident with security, however, because my passport said that I was in Brussels and France during the suspicious terrorist activities that occurred. When I went through security, I was the only person who had to take his or her shoes off, then they frisked me and searched through my bags by hand. I was so confused about why they did all that, but then as I was sitting at my gate waiting for my plane, I realized that I was in both places at inopportune times. Pretty funny, huh? I got home with no problems after that and slept 14 hours in my own bed. It was a great whirlwind of a trip.

Christmas was amazing this year. I really got into the Christmas spirit while in Europe because they do love their Christmas trees over there. Everything was very festive. Once I got home, we had our Christmas Eve services at church which always make me sentimental and nostalgic. Then my family had a relaxing Christmas day at home. We stayed in our PJs all day and even had a designated nap time. We watched It's a Wonderful Life and ate our traditional brunch and ham and cheesy potato dinner. I love a quiet Christmas.

This past Saturday we went to my dad's brother's house for our family Christmas. My aunt made a great Mexican themed meal and we sorted through some stuff that belonged to my grandparents. It's kind of a shame that we've waited 14 years to finally decide what to do with her jewelry, their Bibles, and photographs, but it was good to be able to do it as a family of adults. My sister, cousin, and I got to take some of G-G's jewelry and all four of us cousins got to have a Bible that belonged to either G-G or Granddad or both. It was a bittersweet day. 

My G-G had a jewelry set that was a cameo necklace with matching earrings. We've gone back and forth over the years about what to do with it but we've finally come up with a solution that I think we're all happy with. We gave the necklace to my cousin Claire, and my sister and I will each get an earring and have necklaces made out of it. That cameo set is one of the things that I remember most about G-G. I remember sitting in her lap and looking at the necklace. It's really not my style at all but I've always loved that jewelry. And anytime I see a piece of cameo jewelry, I think of her. So I'm excited that I get to have a necklace made out of her earring. I will be grateful and honored to wear it.

So that was basically my Christmas and the weeks prior to it. I'm now making plans for a trip down to Springfield to see my friends from the Alma Mater and for next semester.

I think I've decided to quit my nannying job. I love the kid and his family is great, but the 10 hours plus drive time is just too much. I really struggled last semester and my grades weren't what I wanted them to be, not that they were bad. I basically killed myself with all the work I was trying to do. I worked 12 hours a week at my contextual education placement and then babysat and that didn't leave enough time for my schoolwork. The money that I receive from that gig just isn't worth the lack of time left for school stuff, not to mention socializing! I've committed to the month of January so I'll honor that and then stay on until mid-February or until his mom finds a new sitter, whichever comes first. I have no real life in STL. No friends really, and I'm not involved in anything on campus except for my classes. This is unacceptable. I need to make some friends and get involved or I will hate being there. So I've decided to quit babysitting, a.k.a. The Time Suck.

That's all for now. Thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post.

Starting Up the Blog Again

A lot has happened. I haven't really known where to start. At one point in September I tried to make a post about my new apartment but then my internet died. ANNOYING! So I gave up. I've kind of forgotten about the blogspot world until now. I have sixty three pages to write by Friday, so this is going to be brief but I am just going to write about a few things that have occurred in the last few months.

The Biggest Thing: I realized I was truly a person of "white privilege."

I have been placed at a daycare in East Saint Louis, Illinois for my Contextual Education this school year. When I signed up for this placement I didn't know anything about East Saint Louis. I'm glad I didn't because I probably would have chickened out. I'm so grateful that I have been given this opportunity. Both at Drury and in orientation at Eden, I was forced to read an article about white privilege. If I could remember who wrote it, I would quote the person, but I can't remember and don't have the time to find it. Anyway, my point is, I had read about white privilege and I had a basic concept of what it was. But until I went to the daycare and experienced being the only white person in an entirely African American and poverty stricken community, I had absolutely no idea what that really meant. 

Every Wednesday and Friday when I go there and spend time with those amazing kids, I am reminded of all that I have been given in my spoiled rich white girl life. I am also reminded that because of their race and geographic location, they have been given almost nothing. The daycare and the churches that support it do their best to make up for what the community is lacking, but there are thousands of miles to go before these kids are given an equal playing field. It's so unfair and I am reminded -- no -- slapped in the face every time I go there of the work we need to do to help the poverty-stricken areas in the U.S.

Added to the fact that I am the only person who looks like me at my placement, I had the opportunity to hear James Cone speak. He compared Jesus' crucifixion to lynching. It completely blew my mind. I heard him speak at the beginning of October and I am still processing it. I wish I would have recorded it so I could go back and listen again. All I can say is wow. 

THEN, Obama won. I got to go to the daycare the day after election night and the spirit in that place was amazing. Even the kids were excited that he won. From all of this, I've come to appreciate the struggle. I think because, I've seen it first hand now. I think it's horrible that my home county is 85% white. What the hell?! This has also led me to other questions like, why are churches the most segregated places in the U.S.? Why is there a White Church and a Black Church. Shouldn't there just be a God's Church?!

Here's a picture of a few of the kids who opened my eyes:

So yeah, that's the biggest thing that I've experienced this semester. There's more to be said about it, but I don't have the time. I also don't know exactly what to say yet. I'm going to write more over Christmas break, I think.

This time next week, I'll be in France! More about that later. I gots to go write.

Things I've learned...

Because I don't feel like completely explaining all that I've been feeling or doing as of late, here is a list of things I've learned so far this summer:

1. I love driving golf carts.
2. I can put the fear in any 4th or 5th grader.
3. If I don't put sunscreen on my neck, it will get burned.
4. It's no use trying to convince your 60 year old co-worker that you're right about something.
5. Thich Nhat Hanh is the shit.
6. Teach any kid the Banana song and he or she will love you forever. "Form banana, form form banana..." you know what I'm talking about.
7. Clue is the best movie ever made in the 80s.
8. The Remember the Titans soundtrack can put me in a better mood any day.

9. I miss The Awakening sooooooo much.

10. Let go, trust God.

What Now?

I've been home for a week. I still have boxes that have yet to be unpacked, and emotions/thoughts that have yet to be set free.

A week and two days ago, I experienced a big change. I left the comfy confines of my beloved alma mater and moved back into my parents house for a long, and what I think will become, lonely summer. If the last week is any indication, I think I'm going to get a teensy bit sick of my parents, though I love them dearly. It will help when my sister comes back home from all of her adventures - I'm no good at this only child thing.

It's a hard thing to leave the people you love. I sit in my basement at night and watch TV, all the while thinking, "If I were in Springfield, what would I be doing?" Probably the exact same thing, but I'd have a roommate or a boy from across the street watching the TV with me.

In high school I was good at being alone and I kept myself busy, and at the time I thought I was content. But I've come to find I need my people about me. Maybe I was content then, I guess I just hadn't met my best friends yet.

The highlight of this week was watching Indiana Jones and The Muppet Show with Lindsey. We had a some good talks and it was nice to hang out with a person under forty-nine for once. :-D

I still can't let myself realize the enormity of the fact that I won't be returning to Drury yet. Does that make me pathetic?

The 22-Year-Old Virgin

Because of recent misadventures in dating I've been thinking a lot about my (lack of a) love life.

Before last Saturday I had never been on a date. I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend. I only mind a little bit that I haven't had any of these experiences. I think I've missed out on a lot of pain and grief by not dating. Before last Saturday, I'd never really had a guy pursue me or even act like he was that interested in me. I was flattered that the Cop liked me so much so I went on two dates with him even though I wasn't all that interested in him. I figured it wouldn't be a bad thing to just date - I told myself it would be good practice. Little did I know that he would cross the line between going on dates and the first attempts to make a relationship so quickly.

Don't think I'm trying to say that I'm bitter about dating, because I'm not. I don't consider two dates to be enough of a catalyst for bitterness just yet. However, I have learned a lot from this awful experience. I know now, that I need to be clear to whomever I date that I want to be friends first, and let the potential relationship bloom later. I think I made a big mistake in not making that clear to the Cop this time around. What ever happened to just hanging out? How come everyone goes on dates now? I think next time I want to get to know the person first, then say, "Hey I like you and you like me, so let's go on a real date."

Anyway, it was a bad experience. I've learned from it and it's over. THANK GOD. I just can't help but hope that love will find me soon someday... and I'll feel the same way about him that he feels about me. I think we need to be clear on that.



Saw this on Post Secret today, and it struck a chord with me.

Count Your Blessings

After one of the most relaxing and enjoyable weekends I have experienced yet this semester, I've been thinking about the many (MANY!) blessings in my life. I think I too often get caught up with the unnecessary stressors in my life and therefore have no time to enjoy the good things. So I'm going to make a list of things that bring me joy and you, my two (?) readers, need to hold me to spending more time on these things and less time worrying.

-Doing nothing with my friends. Just sitting, watching TV, exploring new stores, going to the park, getting a cocktail or coffee, anything like that.
-Curling up with a good book that is not required for my classes.
-Coloring in coloring books. Seriously, I bought a Sesame Street one the other day and it's the most relaxing thing ever. Just stay in the lines and pick any color you want. I could spend hours with my crayons and coloring books and be supremely happy.
-Sending (and receiving) letters. Old-fashioned correspondence, people! It's great. Let's rediscover the letter.

That's just a short list of things I should do more of. There's more, but emails for work are calling my name.

And on a side note: After catching up a little with an old and very dear friend this weekend, I realized just how bad I am at keeping in contact with my loved ones. So I am going to work on it.

Chillaxing

I have decided that sleeping 12 hours in my bed at my parent's house is the best medicine for the anxiety and stress I've been feeling lately.

Facing future decisions that I don't feel equipped to make, mountains of homework that I don't have enough time to do, and worrying about Mom has made it difficult to relax. But I think I overcame that battle in the last 18 hours I've been home. Instead of finishing my paper that I promised my favorite professor I'd finish last night and give to him on Monday (it was due Friday by 5:00, but he is a lovely man and gave me an extension with no penalty), I watched Night at the Museum with my parents. Instead of snuggling up with Walden (60 pages due by Monday night) I got caught up with one of my favorite TV shows online. So I might need to spend some time this afternoon working on all of those things, but I felt truly relaxed last night. And after sleeping 12 hours, I feel great.

I love a weekend with no plans. I need to do this more often.

What's a girl to do?

In September I visited a seminary in Kentucky and loved it. The professors were incredibly kind, the students were helpful, smart, and friendly. The campus housing was impeccable and the location in the city was ideal.

On Sunday I visited another seminary in St. Louis. It felt like home. I could really see myself there. The problem is, I won't get as much financial aid there as I will at the school in Kentucky. But the other really positive thing is how close the St. Louis school is to home.

I don't know what to do, but hopefully when I find out if I'm accepted to those two schools and know what kind of scholarship packages I can get I'll be able to make a better decision.

I loved both schools, but one more than the other. I just hope the school in St. Louis accepts me!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

As I've been facing my last semester at Drury head on, I've been thinking about how much my life is going to change in the next four months. As much as I'm sad, I'm also excited. I'm terrified to leave my comfortable little bubble at Drury that I've filled with friends who seem more like family, professors who feel more like friends, and kids at church to play with and love on. 

It's not like I don't think I'll be successful at another place, it's that I don't know if I want to. I've grown so much at Drury - I don't even know who I was before I came here. If it ain't broke don't fix it, right? But I don't have a choice. I'm graduating so I can't take anymore classes, I can't work for the chaplain's office, and there's no seminary in Springfield I want to go to in order to keep working at my church. So it's like I'm being pushed out of the nest and I'm scared about it. And even if I did stay in this God-forsaken town (I know, a little harsh) it's not like my friends would be here anymore because they're graduating too.

I've sent in my applications and now I'm playing the waiting game to hear back from the seminaries. I've done my part to movie on from here (even though I was kicking and screaming the whole time).

I'm just terrified about everything after May 17th. I wish I had something profound to say about it, but I don't. I just don't want to do any of it.

I'm just going to let David Bowie say it:

And my time was running wild

A million dead-end streets

Every time I thought I'd got it made

It seems the taste was not so sweet

So I turned myself to face me

But I've never caught a glimpse

Of how the others must see the faker

I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-changes

don't have to be a richer man

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-changes

Don't want to be a better man

Time may change me

But I can't trace time

I watch the ripples change their size

But never leave the stream

Of warm impermanence

So the days flow through my eyes

But the days still seem the same

And these children that you spit on

As they try to change their worlds

Are immune to your consolations

They're quite aware of the what they're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-changes

Where's your shame

You've left us up to our necks in it

Time may change them

But you can't trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me

Changes are taking the pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-changes

Look out you rock 'n' rollers

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Ch-ch-changes

Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older

Time may change me

But I can't trace time.