Sunday, January 27, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-changes

As I've been facing my last semester at Drury head on, I've been thinking about how much my life is going to change in the next four months. As much as I'm sad, I'm also excited. I'm terrified to leave my comfortable little bubble at Drury that I've filled with friends who seem more like family, professors who feel more like friends, and kids at church to play with and love on. 

It's not like I don't think I'll be successful at another place, it's that I don't know if I want to. I've grown so much at Drury - I don't even know who I was before I came here. If it ain't broke don't fix it, right? But I don't have a choice. I'm graduating so I can't take anymore classes, I can't work for the chaplain's office, and there's no seminary in Springfield I want to go to in order to keep working at my church. So it's like I'm being pushed out of the nest and I'm scared about it. And even if I did stay in this God-forsaken town (I know, a little harsh) it's not like my friends would be here anymore because they're graduating too.

I've sent in my applications and now I'm playing the waiting game to hear back from the seminaries. I've done my part to movie on from here (even though I was kicking and screaming the whole time).

I'm just terrified about everything after May 17th. I wish I had something profound to say about it, but I don't. I just don't want to do any of it.

I'm just going to let David Bowie say it:

And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seems the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Ch-ch-changes
don't have to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Ch-ch-changes
Don't want to be a better man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days flow through my eyes
But the days still seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consolations
They're quite aware of the what they're going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Ch-ch-changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change them
But you can't trace time
Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Ch-ch-changes
Look out you rock 'n' rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time.


1 comment:

amor said...

You will be missed, Kassie! However, just think about how many more people you'll meet, and how many more opportunities you will encounter. I am very confident that you are extremely prepared for the scary world out there!