You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Song Is About You.

On Sunday, as I was drying my hair to get ready for church, I found a gray hair. I've found gray hairs before, so it wasn't a huge deal. I got my scissors and I cut it really close to my scalp because I buy into the old wives' tale that if you pluck a gray hair 3 more will grow back in its place. Later that day, I checked to see if it was still visible and found 2 more right next to it! I officially freaked out. I ran downstairs and showed my mom. Then I made her check my whole head for more. In total, we found 5 gray hairs (including the ones I had found previously) but I'm sure there are more we didn't see. She assured me that the old wives' tale isn't true and plucked them all out for me.

Looking back at my irrational terror of finding gray hairs on my 23 year old head, I laugh, but I was very upset by it. It's incredibly vain and shallow of me to be so worried about my hair when I have so many other, bigger things to worry about (the economy, mine and my family's health, my classes, etc.). However, my hair has been one of the only things I've liked about my physical appearance for a long time. In fifth grade I got really awkward looking and in the following years I started putting on weight. So I've been a bit insecure about the way I look for a long time. Ever since I was 11, my hair has been one of the only features anyone ever compliments. Even now, as I actively try to lose weight (I've had to tighten my belt once already!), learn how to dress my body in more attractive ways, and learn how to use makeup to play up my features, my hair is the only thing I'm sure I like about my physical appearance at any given moment on any given day. 

I think that we all have things about ourselves that we vainly cling to to boost our confidence. For some people it may be their eyes, nose, butt, or boobs. For me it's my hair. It's the only thing on the outside of me that I truly love. And I feel validated, and my confidence is boosted, when I find out that others like it too. 

Even when I think about that day in the distant future when I have lost all the weight I want to lose, my first thought goes to the haircut I want to get that would look horribly disproportional on my body now, not about how I will be healthier or able to wear more fun clothes. It's completely outrageous.

I struggle with this vanity I feel. Everything I know tells me that I shouldn't be so preoccupied with looks. After all, it's what's on the inside that counts, right? 

Maybe I should just shave my head.

Just kidding -- I died a little inside as I typed that.