The Twilight Coma

A horrible cold - complete with fever - that kept me out of class and work for two days, followed by a week of trying to play catch-up for those two days, followed by two weekends of visitors back-to-back and I'm exhausted and out of hyphens. 

This week has been Reading Week here at ol' Eden Seminary and I should have been doing just that... and writing too. But instead of working my butt off trying to catch up and get ahead, I have been in what I like to call the Twilight Coma. Pathetic? A little. Ok, a lot.

I read the Twilight books over Christmas break and completely surprised myself by loving them. But seriously, what's not to love? A gorgeous vampire who is good to his core and just so happens to be head over heels in love with a very ordinary girl who I can completely identify with (at times). Not to mention this girl's best friend who is a werewolf who loves her too. I mean, it's just too much. It's steamy, sweet, and just like Harry Potter and the Chronicles of Narnia, it takes me into an impossible world that I really enjoy getting lost in from time to time. So this week I've been sleeping and re-reading the Twilight books. This weekend will be hectic as I try to finish up papers and read books that were assigned to me, but I'm enjoying being lazy for a little bit and I don't see anything wrong with that.

So there. :-P

These Dreams...

As you may know, I rarely have dreams that I remember in the morning. However, last night I tossed and turned a lot, never really getting into a deep enough sleep to forget what my brain was doing. So I now have a dream that I sort of remember. 

In this dream, I wrote lyrics to a song. It was really good! I think it was an assignment for a class? But that part is sort of hazy. The theme was about being God's children - I remember that much. The really frustrating part though is that I can't remember any of the words! Everyone I sang it for in my dream really liked it and I was really proud of it. But now it's gone from my memory. I've always wished I was more musically gifted and that dream made me really happy. But, upon waking up, I was immediately frustrated because I couldn't remember any of the words to my song.

So, instead of having a pleasant dream that I get to remember, because I usually only remember nightmares, I have a pleasant dream that now brings me frustration.

I bet that song means something. Anyone know any dream interpreters? Man, where's Joseph when ya need him?!

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Song Is About You.

On Sunday, as I was drying my hair to get ready for church, I found a gray hair. I've found gray hairs before, so it wasn't a huge deal. I got my scissors and I cut it really close to my scalp because I buy into the old wives' tale that if you pluck a gray hair 3 more will grow back in its place. Later that day, I checked to see if it was still visible and found 2 more right next to it! I officially freaked out. I ran downstairs and showed my mom. Then I made her check my whole head for more. In total, we found 5 gray hairs (including the ones I had found previously) but I'm sure there are more we didn't see. She assured me that the old wives' tale isn't true and plucked them all out for me.

Looking back at my irrational terror of finding gray hairs on my 23 year old head, I laugh, but I was very upset by it. It's incredibly vain and shallow of me to be so worried about my hair when I have so many other, bigger things to worry about (the economy, mine and my family's health, my classes, etc.). However, my hair has been one of the only things I've liked about my physical appearance for a long time. In fifth grade I got really awkward looking and in the following years I started putting on weight. So I've been a bit insecure about the way I look for a long time. Ever since I was 11, my hair has been one of the only features anyone ever compliments. Even now, as I actively try to lose weight (I've had to tighten my belt once already!), learn how to dress my body in more attractive ways, and learn how to use makeup to play up my features, my hair is the only thing I'm sure I like about my physical appearance at any given moment on any given day. 

I think that we all have things about ourselves that we vainly cling to to boost our confidence. For some people it may be their eyes, nose, butt, or boobs. For me it's my hair. It's the only thing on the outside of me that I truly love. And I feel validated, and my confidence is boosted, when I find out that others like it too. 

Even when I think about that day in the distant future when I have lost all the weight I want to lose, my first thought goes to the haircut I want to get that would look horribly disproportional on my body now, not about how I will be healthier or able to wear more fun clothes. It's completely outrageous.

I struggle with this vanity I feel. Everything I know tells me that I shouldn't be so preoccupied with looks. After all, it's what's on the inside that counts, right? 

Maybe I should just shave my head.

Just kidding -- I died a little inside as I typed that.