Searching for Healing

I have to write a 10 to 12 minute inspirational message for Chow & Chapel by tomorrow at 11:00.

My mom has breast cancer.

I have to read something on a piece of paper my Spanish teacher handed me last week by tomorrow morning and I can't even find it.

Mymom has breastcancer.

I have to write Grad school application essays and get references from people.

Mymomhas breastcancer.

I need to go buy groceries with money I don't have.

Mymomhasbreastcancer.

Holy shit. How am I supposed to do all of this?

In everything I do, there is the awful truth and the tears burning at the back of my throat, the choking feeling making it hard to breathe.

How am I supposed to speak about a loving God tomorrow when I don't feel loved right now? Where is He/She/It?

How can any of this stuff be important when my mom, the most important person in my life, is suffering from a disease that she can't even feel?

Too many questions. Not enough answers.

I need some answers, God. Right about now. Then, maybe, I'd feel Your love. Where is it? I used to be able to feel it everyday and now I just feel cold, empty silence.

I never thought it'd be my mom. She's supposed to be made of steel.

Damn it all.