A Meme About My Favorite Activity: Sleeping!

1) How do you sleep at night?
Is your sleep affected by the national angst? Do you drop off easily, as you always did? Or does it take a while to get to sleep?

I've always been a great sleeper. Unless I'm incredibly stressed out (school is usually the biggest culprit), or I've had one of my weekends of marathon sleeping (i.e., this last weekend when I slept 13 hours Friday night and then took a nap Saturday afternoon), I sleep very well every night. 

2) What strategies, if needed, do you use to get to sleep? Pills? Sheep? Late night television shows? And/or...?

I have my nightly routine that I do every night before bed: put on my PJs, take out my contact, brush my teeth, wash my face, take my allergy medicines, set my alarms, crawl into bed, and then I read something not school related for 15 minutes to an hour depending on when my eyelids close themselves. Lately, I've been re-reading the Twilight Saga over and over. Say what you want about those books, but they're a fun read and there are some pretty steamy parts too. Even though I do have this routine, I could probably just curl up on my bed every night and drift off with no problem at all. I don't get enough sleep during the week and I just plain love sleeping so once 11:00 comes around, I'm counting down the minutes until I'm done with my homework so I can go to my beloved bed.

3) Do you wake up in the middle of the night, plagued by obsessive thoughts?

I rarely wake up until my first alarm goes off in the morning. If I do, it's usually because I have to use the bathroom. Unless I'm sick, I almost never wake up for any reason other than to pee.

4) What strategies do you have to get back to sleep?

Well, since waking up because I'm distressed is a rarity, I don't really have any techniques. I usually just pull my covers closer around me and close my eyes again. Insomniacs probably hate me.

5) Are your dreams affected? Are they more anxious than before? Do they wake you up in a sweat? Or are they peaceful, innocent, undisturbed by the general malaise?

Confession time: I rarely have/remember dreams. I'm sure I do dream in the night, but I almost never remember them. On the rare occasions when I do have dreams that I remember vividly, they are usually scary ones. But the last real scary dream that I can remember was almost a year and a half ago. That dream woke me up and I started crying, but like I said, that's a really rare occurrence. Usually when I have dreams that I remember, they occur during that time when I'm about to wake up but haven't completely become fully conscious yet -- when I'm in a sort of asleep/awake limbo. 

I think the biggest reason I don't ever remember my dreams is because I'm a very heavy sleeper. Just ask my former roommates and fellow RAs. I've almost slept through fire alarms, tornado sirens, not to mention all the phone calls I've missed while I was sleeping even though my ringer was on the highest volume my phone has. In order to wake up in the morning, I set 4 alarms. I set my actual alarm clock, which I purchased because it was the loudest one the store had, for the latest possible time I can get up in the morning so I'll have plenty of time to get ready and be on time for class and/or work. That alarm is placed on my dresser, across my bedroom from my bed so I actually have to get up to turn the horribly loud alarm off. Then I set 3 alarms on my cell phone in 1o minute increments up to the time that the big alarm will go off. I usually wind up cuddling my phone in bed with me while these alarms go off one-by-one. Some mornings, much to my dismay, I don't even remember my phone alarms going off, but know they did because I wake up to my big alarm with my cell phone in my hand or on the pillow next to me.

My good buddy Lindsey tagged me in this so I thought I'd be a good blogging-friend and do it. I'm also supposed to mention the original blog from which she got this idea: here it is.

Blessed REassurance

Two weeks ago I received this scary letter:

"Dear Kassandra,

As a part of the evaluation process, the first-level faculty met to review the academic progress of first-level students in their degree program. The faculty identified some concerns about your progress.

Please schedule an appointment in the Academic Office to discuss with me the concerns and resources available to you.

Grace and peace,

Dean Krause"

Ok, so I was terrified. I did pretty well in my classes last semester, with the one exception being Biblical Studies I because there were so many readings assigned I couldn't keep up so I just stopped trying. Needless to say, I passed all of my classes with two As, one B, and that pesky C in Bib. Studies. I knew that the concern couldn't be about my grades, but I had no idea what was going on. So like the good little girl I am, I immediately went to the Dean's office and set up an appointment for today at 11:oo. 

Turns out, the Dean just wanted to meet with me because some of my professors (but not all) had said in the evaluations that I was "too quiet" and "reserved." She was worried that I didn't feel a connection to the school, what I was learning here, and the community. She was right.

Last semester was really rough. I had a hard time focusing on the purpose of my being at Eden because I was so sad about, and still processing, the transition from Drury to grad school. It was hard to throw myself into this beautiful community I'm now a part of when I felt so sad about leaving my friend/family at Drury. Added to my sadness was the fact that I didn't have enough time in the day for work, school, my Contextual Education, and studying. It was nearly impossible to keep up with all of my obligations.

I told her that I had a I lot of regrets about last semester and that I was committed to changing and bettering my experience here at school. I realized over Christmas break that I was over-working myself and that I needed to make some changes. So I quit my babysitting job because the time commitment was too much and their home was too far away, even though I loved the kid and was sad to have to end it. As my New Year's resolution and Lent "whatever" I am committing myself to not skip any classes this semester and I'm making myself read at least one-third of every assigned reading. And, even though I'm not going to go out and join any committees or anything because that would just take more of the time I just got back in the week, I'm going to try to be more active or at least present on campus. I started working in the library and I've found that it is just what I need. My classmates are there all the time so I get to talk and interact with people and it's a low-key job where I can do homework when all of the books are shelved. Plus, I get paid more there than at the babysitting gig.

I told her I was trying to make changes and she reassured me that she had noticed that I'd been around more in chapel (because I actually have time to worship now... at seminary... crazy, right?), and in the library. The Dean was glad that I'd realized I needed to change things for myself and handled it. But she reminded me that the next time I find myself feeling disconnected or upset about how things were going, I should talk to her or my advisor because they are there for me.

Wow. I am so blessed to be at a school where professors and other faculty and staff actually care how I'm doing, not just based on grades, but in a holistic way. 

When I walked into the Deans office this morning, I was terrified. I left ten minutes later feeling reassured that I was in the exact place I needed to be to learn how to be a good minister. Isn't it great to say that some of your best examples of kind and compassionate ministers are your professors and school administration? It's good to know that they're looking out for me and actually care how I'm doing.

Thank God for Eden Theological Seminary.

Happy Birthday Dr. King!

I've been thinking a lot about Martin Luther King Jr.'s ministry lately. Mostly I've been thinking about his bravery. I think about how brave he was to stand up and say, "I've got this one guys, we can do this." He saw what needed to change and he did what he could to make that change. I don't know that I could be so brave. He risked everything - his career, family, and life to help the people around him. Could I do that? I just don't think I'm brave enough. 

Sure, I can wear my Ally button on my backpack and change my Facebook profile picture for any number of causes I support. I can change my voicemail message on my phone and then turn it off so I can raise awareness about injustices occurring in the Congo because of the minerals needed to create cell phones. I can boycott businesses and write letters. But could I stand up in front of the nation and say this is what needs to change? I don't think I could.

So I admire Dr. King's bravery and gumption to get things done. I'm glad that because, forty years ago, he was brave enough to speak up for what he believed we will inaugurate our first African American president tomorrow. I'm glad that he spoke up forty years ago so that I can go to East Saint Louis and immerse myself in an African American community and understand what it means to be the one being oppressed. I'm glad that Dr. King spoke up so that I can recognize how much further we need to go so that the American Dream is available for all - black, white, red, yellow, brown. Because we are all precious in God's sight. 

We've come so far, but we have so much further to go. What are you going to do to inch us closer to King's dream?

"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, 'Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!'"

Ending the Year Right.

Wow. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I went to France and London. I celebrated one of the best Christmases thus far (but I think I say that every year). And I've discovered that Netflix now allows Mac users to watch instantly. So that's basically how I've been spending these last few weeks. But that's just the short version of it all; I'll tell you in more detail.

EUROPE!
I flew out of Kansas City on Saturday, December 13 to Brussels. I traveled for many hours and wound up in Brussels at 8 AM (CET) on Sunday, December 14. Mary picked me up from the airport with a sign that read, "My MAMA Kass." It was a joyous reunion -- well, as joyous as I could be after traveling almost 24 hours. We hit the Grand Plaza in Brussels and grabbed a small breakfast and took the train to Lille where Mary is living this year.

Me in the Grand Plaza in Brussels

On Monday, December 15 Mary showed me Lille. We visited the shops, the old buildings, and the Christmas Market they had set up in the square where I bought the most delicious pretzel I had ever eaten in my whole life. I bought some chocolates for my supervisor at the Kindercottage where I work and some Christmas ornaments for my family. Then we headed back to Mary's house where we ate dinner and watched "White Christmas," a movie Mary's German roommate had never seen before.

On Tuesday, December 16, Mary had to work in the morning so I slept in and then we hit the road (train tracks?) for London! After we checked into our hotel that Mary, her two roommates, and I were staying in that night, Mary and I went to Trafalgar Square so we could see it and Parliament at night. We saw the huge Christmas tree that was donated by the Norwegians and I also got to see Big Ben's tower all lit up. It was really amazing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Then we got on the tube and went out to London's O2 arena where we saw Coldplay in concert. It was an unbelievable show. As much as I love them on CD, I love them even more live. It was a night I'll never forget.

a shot of the stage during the Coldplay concert

On Wednesday, December 17 we hit London hard: Westminster Abbey, Harrod's, Buckingham Palace, St. Paul's Cathedral, Tate Museum of Modern Art, Tower Bridge, and the Tower of London. It was unbelievable how much ground we covered. Needless to say, my feet were killing me. I was overcome by how old everything was. I truly loved the city and I love how the old and new buildings blend into each other in the skyline. It's such and interesting city. I hope to return someday and explore it more at a slower pace.

Me, on the Tower Bridge with London behind me

On Thursday, December 18 (my parents' 32nd wedding anniversary!) I recuperated from the crazy pace of my London adventure while Mary worked. That night, Mary's British roommate fixed us a really great Christmas-like dinner. I got to meet some of the girls that Mary's been hanging out with too. It was a fun night. Unfortunately I took no pictures.

Mary worked on Friday, December 19 too. But after she got off we took the train to Paris! We took the subway to our hotel from the train station. It was no fun lugging our suite cases around the Paris subway system! I decided before we even got to our hotel that there was no way in hell we were going to take the metro to the airport on Monday. We stayed in a Best Western near the Louvre. It was actually very nice and not too pricey. It was dark when we got there so we walked over to see the Louvre at night. I think I took more pictures of the pyramid at the Louvre than anything else on the whole trip. It was so cool to see it lit up at night. Then we went and ate dinner at a place called Hippopotamus. No, we were not served Hippopotamus.

On Saturday, December 20 we woke up early-ish to go to the Louvre! We grabbed a croissant and walked to the museum. We spent about 3 hours there and I still can't believe how big it is. I saw the Mona Lisa, Winged Victory, The Venus d'Milo, and countless other pieces of art that I've seen my textbooks and coffee table books. I honestly still can't believe I was even in the same room as them. Both Mary and my sister had told me that the Mona Lisa was nothing special and not to expect too much because it's actually quite small. However, when I saw her, I started to cry. It wasn't so much her that made me cry, but the huge crowd waiting in a blob to see her. Everyone wanted their chance to get up near the plexi-glass wall that protects her. I stood there and thought about the thousands (millions?) of people that look at her everyday and it made me awestruck. I just couldn't believe how many people in the world travel thousands of miles to see this pretty insignificant painting every year.

After the Louvre we went to the Orangerie where there is a collection owned by a man who died. This guy had all the good stuff: Cezanne, Picasso, Monet, Manet, Matisse, and 8 Monet "Waterlillies." I was in heaven. 

After that we walked to the Eiffel Tower, got a crepe from a stand near there, and then waited in line to go to the second level. Once we got to the top the sun had gone down so I got to see Paris' lights at night. It was awesome. The tower is lit up blue with a circle of gold stars on the side because France was the head of the EU during the month of December. It was pretty cool to be up in the tower and see the blue light. The picture thing isn't working for me anymore so go to my Facebook to see more pictures. I took a lot.

After we left the tower we went back to the hotel because, as it turns out, I'm actually a pretty horrible traveler and need to take frequent rests or I get cranky. After we rested, we went to a restaurant where they serve authentic French cuisine. I had a beef thing that was really good.

Sunday, December 21 is what I fondly remember as "church day." I drug Mary along with me to mass at Notre Dame. After mass we walked around it and I got emotional again when I thought about how many people had worshiped and prayed there. Then we went to Saint-Chappelle where there are supposed to be 20 relics of Christ, but we couldn't figure out where they were located. The stained glass windows in that church are phenomenal though! And that church was 900 years old! I couldn't even believe it. Then we went to the Galleries Lafayette and realized that all of the merchandize was way beyond our price range. So we went to the hotel for a rest. We ate dinner at the Brasserie du Louvre, a restaurant in the Hotel du Louvre which is a very fancy hotel near the Louvre. The food was awesome and the service was very fancy too. Needless to say, I felt a little out of place but really enjoyed the dinner. After dinner we walked back to the Louvre to see the pyramid one last time and we saw the light show that they do on the Eiffel Tower. They make it sparkle with lights every hour after sunset. It was a great way to end our stay.

On Monday, December 22 we took a taxi to the airport and we both flew home for the holidays. I had a slight incident with security, however, because my passport said that I was in Brussels and France during the suspicious terrorist activities that occurred. When I went through security, I was the only person who had to take his or her shoes off, then they frisked me and searched through my bags by hand. I was so confused about why they did all that, but then as I was sitting at my gate waiting for my plane, I realized that I was in both places at inopportune times. Pretty funny, huh? I got home with no problems after that and slept 14 hours in my own bed. It was a great whirlwind of a trip.

Christmas was amazing this year. I really got into the Christmas spirit while in Europe because they do love their Christmas trees over there. Everything was very festive. Once I got home, we had our Christmas Eve services at church which always make me sentimental and nostalgic. Then my family had a relaxing Christmas day at home. We stayed in our PJs all day and even had a designated nap time. We watched It's a Wonderful Life and ate our traditional brunch and ham and cheesy potato dinner. I love a quiet Christmas.

This past Saturday we went to my dad's brother's house for our family Christmas. My aunt made a great Mexican themed meal and we sorted through some stuff that belonged to my grandparents. It's kind of a shame that we've waited 14 years to finally decide what to do with her jewelry, their Bibles, and photographs, but it was good to be able to do it as a family of adults. My sister, cousin, and I got to take some of G-G's jewelry and all four of us cousins got to have a Bible that belonged to either G-G or Granddad or both. It was a bittersweet day. 

My G-G had a jewelry set that was a cameo necklace with matching earrings. We've gone back and forth over the years about what to do with it but we've finally come up with a solution that I think we're all happy with. We gave the necklace to my cousin Claire, and my sister and I will each get an earring and have necklaces made out of it. That cameo set is one of the things that I remember most about G-G. I remember sitting in her lap and looking at the necklace. It's really not my style at all but I've always loved that jewelry. And anytime I see a piece of cameo jewelry, I think of her. So I'm excited that I get to have a necklace made out of her earring. I will be grateful and honored to wear it.

So that was basically my Christmas and the weeks prior to it. I'm now making plans for a trip down to Springfield to see my friends from the Alma Mater and for next semester.

I think I've decided to quit my nannying job. I love the kid and his family is great, but the 10 hours plus drive time is just too much. I really struggled last semester and my grades weren't what I wanted them to be, not that they were bad. I basically killed myself with all the work I was trying to do. I worked 12 hours a week at my contextual education placement and then babysat and that didn't leave enough time for my schoolwork. The money that I receive from that gig just isn't worth the lack of time left for school stuff, not to mention socializing! I've committed to the month of January so I'll honor that and then stay on until mid-February or until his mom finds a new sitter, whichever comes first. I have no real life in STL. No friends really, and I'm not involved in anything on campus except for my classes. This is unacceptable. I need to make some friends and get involved or I will hate being there. So I've decided to quit babysitting, a.k.a. The Time Suck.

That's all for now. Thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post.

Starting Up the Blog Again

A lot has happened. I haven't really known where to start. At one point in September I tried to make a post about my new apartment but then my internet died. ANNOYING! So I gave up. I've kind of forgotten about the blogspot world until now. I have sixty three pages to write by Friday, so this is going to be brief but I am just going to write about a few things that have occurred in the last few months.

The Biggest Thing: I realized I was truly a person of "white privilege."

I have been placed at a daycare in East Saint Louis, Illinois for my Contextual Education this school year. When I signed up for this placement I didn't know anything about East Saint Louis. I'm glad I didn't because I probably would have chickened out. I'm so grateful that I have been given this opportunity. Both at Drury and in orientation at Eden, I was forced to read an article about white privilege. If I could remember who wrote it, I would quote the person, but I can't remember and don't have the time to find it. Anyway, my point is, I had read about white privilege and I had a basic concept of what it was. But until I went to the daycare and experienced being the only white person in an entirely African American and poverty stricken community, I had absolutely no idea what that really meant. 

Every Wednesday and Friday when I go there and spend time with those amazing kids, I am reminded of all that I have been given in my spoiled rich white girl life. I am also reminded that because of their race and geographic location, they have been given almost nothing. The daycare and the churches that support it do their best to make up for what the community is lacking, but there are thousands of miles to go before these kids are given an equal playing field. It's so unfair and I am reminded -- no -- slapped in the face every time I go there of the work we need to do to help the poverty-stricken areas in the U.S.

Added to the fact that I am the only person who looks like me at my placement, I had the opportunity to hear James Cone speak. He compared Jesus' crucifixion to lynching. It completely blew my mind. I heard him speak at the beginning of October and I am still processing it. I wish I would have recorded it so I could go back and listen again. All I can say is wow. 

THEN, Obama won. I got to go to the daycare the day after election night and the spirit in that place was amazing. Even the kids were excited that he won. From all of this, I've come to appreciate the struggle. I think because, I've seen it first hand now. I think it's horrible that my home county is 85% white. What the hell?! This has also led me to other questions like, why are churches the most segregated places in the U.S.? Why is there a White Church and a Black Church. Shouldn't there just be a God's Church?!

Here's a picture of a few of the kids who opened my eyes:

So yeah, that's the biggest thing that I've experienced this semester. There's more to be said about it, but I don't have the time. I also don't know exactly what to say yet. I'm going to write more over Christmas break, I think.

This time next week, I'll be in France! More about that later. I gots to go write.

Things I've learned...

Because I don't feel like completely explaining all that I've been feeling or doing as of late, here is a list of things I've learned so far this summer:

1. I love driving golf carts.
2. I can put the fear in any 4th or 5th grader.
3. If I don't put sunscreen on my neck, it will get burned.
4. It's no use trying to convince your 60 year old co-worker that you're right about something.
5. Thich Nhat Hanh is the shit.
6. Teach any kid the Banana song and he or she will love you forever. "Form banana, form form banana..." you know what I'm talking about.
7. Clue is the best movie ever made in the 80s.
8. The Remember the Titans soundtrack can put me in a better mood any day.

9. I miss The Awakening sooooooo much.

10. Let go, trust God.

What Now?

I've been home for a week. I still have boxes that have yet to be unpacked, and emotions/thoughts that have yet to be set free.

A week and two days ago, I experienced a big change. I left the comfy confines of my beloved alma mater and moved back into my parents house for a long, and what I think will become, lonely summer. If the last week is any indication, I think I'm going to get a teensy bit sick of my parents, though I love them dearly. It will help when my sister comes back home from all of her adventures - I'm no good at this only child thing.

It's a hard thing to leave the people you love. I sit in my basement at night and watch TV, all the while thinking, "If I were in Springfield, what would I be doing?" Probably the exact same thing, but I'd have a roommate or a boy from across the street watching the TV with me.

In high school I was good at being alone and I kept myself busy, and at the time I thought I was content. But I've come to find I need my people about me. Maybe I was content then, I guess I just hadn't met my best friends yet.

The highlight of this week was watching Indiana Jones and The Muppet Show with Lindsey. We had a some good talks and it was nice to hang out with a person under forty-nine for once. :-D

I still can't let myself realize the enormity of the fact that I won't be returning to Drury yet. Does that make me pathetic?